You’ve named the difference between performing femininity and embodying it here. The conditioning to chase validation is insidious because it’s dressed up as love, care, and connection, but it’s a prison that keeps us small and controllable. Here’s what blows my mind: the moment a woman stops needing everyone to like her, she becomes magnetic in an entirely different way. Not the desperate magnetism of people-pleasing but the gravitational pull of someone who knows her worth. People are drawn to that authenticity because it’s so rare. But here’s the deeper layer: when we break free from the validation chase, we’re not just liberating ourselves. We’re modeling a different way of being female in the world. We’re showing other women that it’s possible to exist without shrinking, without apologizing for taking up space, without constantly checking if we’re “too much.” The woman who is okay with not being liked by everyone has discovered the secret: she doesn’t need permission to exist entirely. That’s not just power. That’s a revolution disguised as self-respect. 👌
This is so touching and beautiful. I’ve often been asked, when I reference being attracted to true femininity, what that looks like and it’s been hard for the other person to perceive. This article is almost the perfect response and also you have shined a light on other perspectives I understood but hadn’t verbalised or brought to the conscious mind 🌸🧔🏻
I’m not so sure there’s any version of femininity which isn’t inherently performative. No person perfectly fits into the social constructs of “masculine” or “feminine”. If they do align with them, that may be a performative defence mechanism, as you pointed out. On the other hand, they may genuinely possess many of the traits associated with the “masculine” or “feminine”, but this doesn’t amount to an “embodiment” of these “energies” because those energies simply don’t exist. To suggest otherwise would be a form of gender essentialism, but gender is a social construct. Many of the qualities you described as part of the “divine feminine”, like being comfortable with yourself, etc., are great traits to have. I just wouldn’t gender those qualities.
You’ve named the difference between performing femininity and embodying it here. The conditioning to chase validation is insidious because it’s dressed up as love, care, and connection, but it’s a prison that keeps us small and controllable. Here’s what blows my mind: the moment a woman stops needing everyone to like her, she becomes magnetic in an entirely different way. Not the desperate magnetism of people-pleasing but the gravitational pull of someone who knows her worth. People are drawn to that authenticity because it’s so rare. But here’s the deeper layer: when we break free from the validation chase, we’re not just liberating ourselves. We’re modeling a different way of being female in the world. We’re showing other women that it’s possible to exist without shrinking, without apologizing for taking up space, without constantly checking if we’re “too much.” The woman who is okay with not being liked by everyone has discovered the secret: she doesn’t need permission to exist entirely. That’s not just power. That’s a revolution disguised as self-respect. 👌
exactly! beautiful words🌺
You're welcome Maneesha!
"Most women aren’t performative because they are superficial." THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
thank YOU for reading 🌺🌸🌷🐚🪷🌺🌸🐚🐚🪷
Masterpiece ⭐🌷
Thank you🪷
love this. ok wow . also wanting to connect w other writers i cant wait to read ur pieces and wld love if u ever read mine!! ⭐️⭐️🐞
I love this
🌺
This is so touching and beautiful. I’ve often been asked, when I reference being attracted to true femininity, what that looks like and it’s been hard for the other person to perceive. This article is almost the perfect response and also you have shined a light on other perspectives I understood but hadn’t verbalised or brought to the conscious mind 🌸🧔🏻
Love this!!
I’m not so sure there’s any version of femininity which isn’t inherently performative. No person perfectly fits into the social constructs of “masculine” or “feminine”. If they do align with them, that may be a performative defence mechanism, as you pointed out. On the other hand, they may genuinely possess many of the traits associated with the “masculine” or “feminine”, but this doesn’t amount to an “embodiment” of these “energies” because those energies simply don’t exist. To suggest otherwise would be a form of gender essentialism, but gender is a social construct. Many of the qualities you described as part of the “divine feminine”, like being comfortable with yourself, etc., are great traits to have. I just wouldn’t gender those qualities.
This is amazing!!! Love